Mother-Wife-Homemaker

Gender Reveal Gone Wrong!

May 30, 2017

Gender Reveal Gone Wrong

 

It seems like every day I see couples posting about their creative Gender Reveals. Everyone wants to have one when they are expecting. From cakes to piñatas there are so many unique ways to share the gender of your baby with your friends and family. My husband and I were one of these couples.

My husband and I were engaged when we found out we were pregnant. We were planning on having a wedding in September of 2016 but when we found out we were due in August we knew we had to change our plans. We decided to push the wedding up to April 2016.  As it turned out I was to have an Ultrasound that would inform us of the gender four days before our wedding. Um could the timing be any better? So obviously we did a GENDER REVEAL at OUR WEDDING!!

Colored balloons were placed in a large box that we opened right before our first dance. The box revealed blue balloons. A BOY! As we danced to our first song You & Me by Dave Matthews we envisioned our baby boy. “Oh, and when the kids are old enough, we’re gonna teach them to fly”, and from that day forward we weren’t just having a baby; we were having a baby boy. Knowing the babies gender changes how you dream going forward. I was thinking of the mother son dance I was going to have with my son at his wedding and my husband was already planning out our son’s high school football plays…

 

It was such a wonderful moment we shared with our guests. When I made our wedding book I made a page specifically about the gender reveal and how excited we were to be having a boy. We hung a picture of that ultrasound picture where they had written it was a male on our fridge.

My husband and I had a hard time choosing a boy name. I don’t know why it was so hard but we couldn’t agree on a name until one day when both of us said we liked the name Jamison. The name Jamison finally stuck and we had a name for our baby boy. We planned a wonderful baby shower with our friends and family and my sister-in-law made beautiful invitations. The theme for Jamison’s room was a Safari theme. At the shower, we received boy clothes and boy accessories. We even received items that had been personalized with baby Jamison’s name. We were so excited. All the outfits were so cute. My husband and I couldn’t wait until we could see our Jamison in all these cool outfits!

With my due date quickly approaching we started putting the baby room together. We painted the walls and put together all the furniture. I read a whole bunch of baby books and made sure to do some research about circumcision because you need to be informed about that when you are having a boy…

We had a 3D ultrasound done. It was such a cool experience to see our baby with that much detail. The technician coaxed our son to move around by poking my belly and calling out his name, Jamison. He started to move around and began doing somersaults but that stubborn kid would not uncross his legs.

Jamison was in between the 10th-15th percentile so the doctors wanted to do a few more ultrasounds. At these ultrasounds, the technicians kept saying they couldn’t get a good picture of the genitals. We didn’t think much of it because they had already told us we were having a boy. We already had our Jamison baby shower. There was no way the doctors could have messed this up!

All the baby books say to wash the clothes before your baby comes home from the hospital so me being a little OCD, and in nesting mode– that is exactly what I did. I ripped off every tag, washed, dried, sorted and hung up all the baby clothing. My husband and I were so ready to have this baby boy.

My water broke at 11:15pm on my mother’s birthday August 18th five days before my due date on August 23rd. At 8:15pm on August 19th the Doctor held our baby up to us and declared “It’s a Girl!”

I was filled with emotion.  I was so happy to finally hold my child and I was relieved everything went well during the birthing processes. Ryan and I were tired but determined to pick a name for our baby girl before the next morning. She looked so much like a Norah that we didn’t have to discuss it much. We choose Esther as her middle name after my grandmother. As my Mother-In-Law says Norah Esther Knopf came in like a Nor’easter!

Although I love Norah I couldn’t help but feel like this wasn’t the baby I had dreamt about. This wasn’t the baby I had envisioned kicking in my belly. The next couple of days were tough for me. I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding which did not help my bonding process with Norah.  I felt a detachment. I didn’t know Norah like I had known Jamison. If this baby was here where was the baby I had grown close to over the past 9 months? I felt like I lost Jamison but in losing Jamison, I had gained a beautiful baby girl. It is very hard to explain.

It took me a couple of days but once I got to know Norah, the more I realized she was Jamison. When Norah was first born she hiccupped all the time and she used to do that in my belly! I could not imagine not having Norah. It seems so right to us now. Norah is the best thing that has ever happened to us and we love her more than words can describe.

Gender reveals are cute, but I believe they rob you of a connection with your baby. Even if the doctors do not mess up your baby’s gender, you still lose out on a special relationship. I experienced this first hand. As I did, you cannot help but envision your life with your baby boy or baby girl. These visions are of your dreams… not your baby. Instead of dreaming of ballet shoes or football plays, you can focus on the tools you can give your child to help them in life. I thought that learning my baby’s gender beforehand would make my bond with my child stronger. I was wrong. Maybe I would feel differently if the doctors had gotten the gender right but I will never know. I do know however that during my next pregnancy I will not be finding out the sex of my baby.

We do have a funny story to tell everyone know though. I get so many comments at the grocery store about how beautiful Norah is and I always tell them that the doctors told us we were going to have a boy instead. Almost everyone that I talk to about my experience say that they have known someone this has happened to as well. It is more common than I thought. I am currently finishing up my daughters newborn baby book. The first half of the book is about my pregnancy with her and it is filled with things for Jamison. At times, I can’t help but be a little upset when I think about it and other times I laugh.

In the end, all that matters is that my husband and I have a healthy baby whom we love with all our hearts.

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6 Comments

  • Reply Asdf September 4, 2017 at 2:25 am

    I’ve never actually heard someone else describe exactly the way I felt with my son, but I know just what you mean! But, mine went down different. Apparently I was just sure somehow in my head that I was having a girl, that I was heartbroken to “lose” that baby when I found out at my 18 week ultrasound I was having a boy. Really most people thought I was being ridiculous, but it was all in the expectations, just like you said.

    I was happy to have the months following before his birth to adjust so, in my case, thank god I found out in advance. Then when baby arrived, he was horribly colicky and I had to hold him and rock and feed and pace with so much, it was like forced bonding time.

  • Reply Corinne September 8, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    I had the same experience with my second son. I was 200% sure that we would have a girl the 2nd time and have one of each. All of the wives tales and signs pointed to our baby being a girl. I remember being heartbroken that I had a boy again. I felt heartbroken too! I can’t imagine our life any other way now!

  • Reply The Millennial Stay-At-Home Mom September 8, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    Oh wow!! I didn’t have a gender reveal with my son but now I don’t know if I’ll have one when we get pregnant again. This is a great perspective that I hadn’t considered.

  • Reply Katherine Wandell September 9, 2017 at 10:24 am

    Awe, I’m sure now that you have your daughter you wouldn’t want it any other way. God know just what we need when we need it. She is a blessing and I’m sure you’ll get your boy.

  • Reply Mini Mummi Blogger September 10, 2017 at 9:52 am

    A moving story <3 we purposely didn't find out – we wanted the surprise. We didn't have a preference but had a feeling it would be a boy. As it happens, we were right, but wouldn't have minded either way. Glad you've bonded with your beautiful little girl 🙂

  • Reply Shawna | MISHMASH MOMMY September 10, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Oh goodness, girl! You seem to have taken it pretty well! I was like you, and as soon as I found out we were having a girl, I bought and monogrammed ALL THE THINGS! I can’t imagine how I’d have felt to get such a surprise.

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